An Increase of Love

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When I hear descriptions about the beauty and ideal of marriage, I sometimes wonder if people understand how desperately I sought to obtain those blessings, how much time I spent hoping for that dream, and how devastated I became when I was finally willing to admit to myself that I was gay and thought that dream had been shattered.  I walked around for months hoping God would take me from this life.  I wish I could say that was the last time I felt that way.

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I understand that there is a need to counsel and to chasten and that we need to be humble in seeking guidance from the Lord.  But, I do feel that often when it comes to addressing the topic of homosexuality, we have too often forgotten to couple that with love.  How many hours have gone in to combating “gay marriage”? How many sermons have been preached on the vileness and immorality of same gender relationships? How much money, even, has been poured out to launch a very public campaign on this issue? And yet, where is the commensurate action to reach out to our own LGBT brothers and sisters? How many efforts have been made to support those that would minister to LGBT?  Whole stakes have been rallied to the cause when it comes to fighting “gay marriage” and yet, in my opinion, we struggle to barely acknowledge the suffering of our own members over this.

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For those of you that know me, you know that I will continue to fight as hard as I can to create a place where LGBT Mormons can feel welcomed and loved. As angry and hurt as I have been, for whatever reason, I still hold a measure of belief, and more so, a desire to help my brothers and sisters. I know we’re going to hit road bumps, and I’m sure, with as many wonderful things that have been happening, we all carry high hopes.  Looking back at the past couple years, my heart is full with all the kindness I’ve found in LDS families coming forward to reach out to LGBT members like me. I have found it hard to watch conference since I “came out” and admittedly have often avoided it, but I gave it a try this weekend and I have to say, it threatened to break my heart again. I worry how this weekend has set me back in my efforts to try and find some understanding with my family and my LDS friends. I wish there were answers. I’m not sure we yet have them. For a start, I wish we would simply start listening.   I wish that even if people feel compelled to wage a war against same sex relationships, they could also find a way to tell me and other gay members of the Church that we are loved and welcome here.

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The scriptures teach us that “No power or influence can or ought to be maintained, only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned; By kindness, and pure knowledge, which shall greatly enlarge the soul without hypocrisy, and without guile. Reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy; That he may know that thy faithfulness is stronger than the cords of death.” (D&C 121:45)

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It’s the prayer of my heart, that we find a way to incorporate these principles into our efforts, whatever they are, when it comes to the LGBT/SSA members of the Church.Bryan Hendrickson is the co-chair of Arizona LDS LGBT/SSA (www.ALLarizona.org) and the coordinator of the Phoenix Mormon LGBT/SGA Friends & Family group. Growing up, his family lived in California, Arizona, and Tokyo, Japan. He attended college at BYU, graduate school at ASU, and served in the Japan Kobe Mission. He is currently training to become a physician at The University of Arizona College of Medicine – Phoenix and resides in Gilbert, AZ.